Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
