If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
