I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
