I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
