I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
