after a month anything with tits is on the radar
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
