I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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