Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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