dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
