We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
