Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
