i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
