You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
