I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
