Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
