We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
