I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
