He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
