Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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