Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
