Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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