real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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