Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
