someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
