It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
