Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
