i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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