Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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