If that was your dad, he is hot
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
