i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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