I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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