now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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