Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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