She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
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