I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You made out with two different species that night
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
