Im at strip club and am horny
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
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