Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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