I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
