Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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