She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Randomize
