:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
