So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
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