Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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