wat bout pragnant strippers??
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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