The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
