The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
