Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
