Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
