We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
