It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
is wine microwaveable?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
