it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
